I look at the mirror and see shades of gray in my hair. I realize I am getting old. And this sets me thinking.
I ask myself, "Now what?"
And that is where I am stuck - whether to go with the flow, or create my own flow; whether to sip bourbon with ice or whether to savor a single malt in all its full glory; whether to think about the next step or reflect on the past; whether to aspire to greatness or languish in the mundane.
And then I realize, "I am back where I started". And that, is the fundamental problem - the problem of circularity that is inherent in our universe. From a point we all came when Big Bang happened, and to a point we shall all go one day, from dust unto dust, from birth to death via life, via existence.
A man would like to leave behind a legacy, something that generations hence would recall and admire. But then I ask myself, "Does it really matter?"
Do we remember or even know the first individual who discovered fire? Do we even care to find out? Because the search itself would be a meaningless pursuit - what good would it do to us anyway? For maybe hundreds of years people would have said, "This fellow John, who discovered fire was such a great chap!" and then over the next few hundred years people would slowly have forgotten him although his legacy continues till today.
The only thing constant in Nature is repetition. The sun rises and sets, the planets move around a star, stars burn their fuel to illuminate the surroundings - and the day when all these stops, something else will start. Big Bang to a universal cataclysm, and back to Big Bang. The start and the end coalesce. Because that is the way It works - that is the way it was meant to work. Monotonic regularity. Circularity. The players may change but the show will go on.
And this sets me thinking, "Then what is the purpose of this all? Is there any purpose at all? Am I asking irrelevant questions?"
And then I realize the pointlessness of these questions. The quest for Truth is the hardest quest imaginable, more so given that we are constrained by every conceivable factor - space, time, senses, forces of nature and our own mindset. The Truth is all around us, inside us, here, there, everywhere; yet we do not accept the Truth. The Universe is the truth, this existential super-system is the truth, this fabric of "being-ness" is the Truth or God - so how can we not know the Truth, since we are a part of the frame of reference? This search for an external Truth is an exercise in futility.
The purpose of existence, if there ever was such a thing, is not something that can be attributed anthropomorphic attributes. The purpose of this existence is evolution - all forms of evolution and applicable to every inch of matter (or anti-matter) in the Universe. Evolutions happening in parallel culminate at some point and many such events happen in parallel. The convergence become a starting point for a next phase of evolution and thus the cycle continues - evolution and converge. This infinite cycle of evolution and convergence forms the basic fabric of our existence.
And so I tell myself, "I need to evolve."